Oh, and one more thing...

I just spent a few minutes looking through the blogs of my friends and it made me think of two things...

1. How much I miss them. My life is so crazy right now, I have not spent much time with anyone. I know they are understanding and supportive, but I still miss them.

2. How much I want one more baby. I have always wanted three, but the intense desire started again when I watched Eli come into the world. The desire comes back when I hold him and feed him. The desire came back today when I saw pictures of Sophie, Maya, Will, Isaac, Adeline, Andrew and Gertie.

There is one problem, though. Rob does not share the intense desire for one more. Ryan and Noah do. Ryan keeps telling me that after I finish school, he will start Kindergarten and I will have an egg in my belly. Hopefull Rob will come around. Or I may have to take Eli home and never return him...

I'm getting close

One more week of clinicals, one more week of micro lab, a few more tests. The end of my first semester is near. I am getting lazy, not studying as much, so I will spend the next couple of weeks cramming, which is not usually my style. I have the first week of May off. I hope to be refreshed and ready for my last semester. Only 12 weeks. I think I can do it.

Rob is being amazing to me. He has taken on a lot of the parenting responsibility while I am in class or at work or finishing homework. The poor boy has been so neglected by his wife. I am sorry for that, but also thankful for his understanding.

My house is a mess. For some reason the maid has not been showing up or doing laundry...I must fire her for that. Many would be dumbfounded if they were to see my house right now. But, something's gotta give!

So, aparently I cant do it...

After spending a weekend of sleeping an obscene about of hours and crying almost as much, I (along with the help of my ever so wise husband) decided that something has to go. My kids, husband and school are not an option, I already never see my friends, so that left work. Not to worry, I didn't actually quit. I just changed my status from full time to per diem. This means that I am only required to work 2 shifts per month. Those of you who know me know that I will probably far exceed that amount, but I wont have the stress of being required to work 3 shifts a week. (My goal is to work every other weekend and some daytime hour here and there during the week).

I also did myself a favor and went to the doctor for some psychiatric help. Hopefully those drugs she gave me will get me through the next 5 months. (No, she did not prescribe marijuana).

So while I will probably continue to ignore all of my relationships for a while (sorry about that), I no longer feel so much like driving my car off a bridge.

Things have gotten downright emotional....

It's true. I cry now. Several times in the last week, in fact. I cried last week in my bosses office (over nothing), I cried all the way home from work Sunday morning (over nothing), I cried the other night in bed (over nothing). I believe the combination of not much sleep and stress has gotten to me.

We took our first exam in NUR212, and I did manage to get an A. I feel a little less stressed now. But I still have quite a long way to go (probably with a lot more crying).

What I am wondering now is if chronic crying is an acceptable diagnosis for medicinal marijuana...

2 Weeks Down

So, I have (just about) made it through the first two weeks. I am even still alive. Things are going OK, but it is hard to be away from the boys so much. Rob is doing an incredible job with them, though.

Thank you all for your encouragement.

July 29, 2009

I am looking forward to this date. It is the day that the summer semester at MCC ends. Until that date, I have class 4-5 days per week and will work 36 hours every weekend on 3rd shift.

Many days I feel like I can do this thing...I so badly want to finish my RN that I am willing to go through this "hell" to get there soon. Other days I feel like I am never going to make it.

I have a great support system in place. Rob is great with the boys, so I know they will be fine. My parents are willing to help out when needed. Amber is being flexible with us. My friends are being very encouraging. So I think I can do this.

But I will be counting the days.

Ryan's first soccer game

One Week Post Op

It's been a rough week. While they kept me *well* medicated in the hospital, it wore off about six hours after I returned home on Friday. It was pain like I've never felt before...who knew that the pain from the first surgery could get worse.

I suffered through Saturday, and finally called my doctor (he gave me cell and home numbers) and told him my woes. He stared me on Oxycontin (basicly oral morphine). It is an extended release medication that I take every 12 hours. It has not taken all the pain away, but has helped a lot.

This surgery has been much better to handle emotionally than the last, and I am so thankful for that. I have a follow up appointment on Monday and am hoping to have some good news.

Rob continues to be a great support, but they boys still seem a little "off". I am ready for things to get back to normal, especially since Ryan starts soccer on Saturday. I am ready to pick Noah up and put my boys to bed. I am ready to sleep in my own bed. But I also know that my body has to heal in its own time, so for now I am trying to be content to have so much time to read.

Thanks again for all of your prayers and support through all this.